“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best things they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
The key to teaching your child how to deal with a bad grade lies in promoting a growth mindset. Our belief systems about our own abilities and potential fuel our behavior and predict our successes.
How you respond to your child’s successes and failures impacts your child’s mindset (both now and in the future).
What does this mean? How exactly do you teach your child how to deal with a bad grade (or two)?
Before You Can Teach Your Child How to Deal With a Bad Grade, You Must First Change Your Own Attitude Toward Failure.
Before you can change your child’s attitude toward failure, you must first change your own.
It all starts with mindset.
If you haven’t read Carol S. Dweck’s Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, I suggest you start there. In her groundbreaking book, Dweck differentiates between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
A fixed mindset is the belief that our talents are unique gifts or fixed traits. Here, intelligence is set in stone at birth. A growth mindset is the belief that intelligence can be developed through hard work, good strategies, and input from others. Individuals who have a growth mindset capitalize on setbacks.
Once you adjust your attitude toward failure, you can teach your child how to deal with a bad grade or report card. After all, a lot of growth comes from failing (and failing often).
Growth mindset is more than just a buzzword. It’s a lifestyle!
Besides, failure itself isn’t inherently bad.
Failure Itself Isn’t Bad; It’s What Comes After That Matters.
For decades, kids have participated in a rat race to scurry to the top of the GPA ladder. Competition has gotten so fierce that I have witnessed my own children panic and break down over a bad quiz or test grade. Kids are more stressed and anxious than ever before.
What if we shift how we view bad grades and take them as an opportunity to challenge our child and improve their mindset? After all, our children attend school to learn. Learning isn’t linear.
When my eldest started middle school, the principal instructed all parents to get their hands on a copy of Dweck’s book. He suggested we encourage a growth mindset for our kids. The concept was new to me. With growth mindset, teaching your child how to deal with a bad grade becomes straightforward. You don’t focus on the product; you focus on the process.
Since then, I’ve witnessed several impressive changes within the school, all promoting a positive view of failure and opportunities to practice a growth mindset.
For one, in our school district, many teachers allow retakes of exams. The kids can’t quite achieve a perfect grade if they opt for a retake, but the option to study more, learn from their mistakes, and try again is there. Teachers perform homework checks instead of giving homework grades. Some are doing away with midterms and finals for good. If we want to promote real learning, then why are we so focused on grades?
Since I adopted this approach to tests and grades, I noticed my children were less anxious and more productive. And get this…their grades improved!
Failure itself isn’t bad. It’s what comes after that is important!
Failing to Succeed: Five Examples of Highly Successful People Who Failed First
You’re familiar with Oprah Winfrey, right? A producer fired her from one of her first TV jobs because he felt she was “unfit for television.” Now she owns her own production company. She received an Academy Award nomination and hosted the highest rated television show of its kind in history.
When a teacher told Thomas Edison that he was too stupid to learn anything, did that affect his curiosity and hard work? No! He went on to hold over 1000 patents.
We’ve all heard the stories about Einstein. He wasn’t able to read until he was 7. Yet he went on to win the Nobel Prize and altered the world’s approach to physics. I wonder if Einstein’s parents ever worried about teaching their son how to deal with a bad grade?
The Wright Brothers put in countless hours to create prototypes of airplanes. Many of them failed, didn’t work, and crashed. But those crashes led to better creations! The Wright Brothers changed the way we travel.
Believe it or not, Walt Disney was fired from his job at the Kansas City Star for “lacking imagination.” He went on to become the man who reinvented American childhood with his creativity and genius.
So, what should you do when your child gets a bad grade?
Teach Your Child How To Deal With a Bad Grade
First of all, take a deep breath. A bad grade won’t doom your child forever. Your actions and reactions have the ability to empower and strengthen your child.
1. Don’t blame or get angry with your child.
The worst thing you can do is get angry. Remember, your mindset affects your child’s mindset. You are tethered to one another (for now). You can either encourage your child to choose challenges and increase achievement or look for an easy way out. At the same time, don’t play the blame game. It lowers self-esteem and teaches your child to look to an outside source to blame for their missteps and failures.
2. Praise effort and point out what went well.
If you know for a fact your child studied for the exam, acknowledge their hard work. Praise them for giving it their best shot. Use the 2:1 Rule: For every criticism, point out two positives. When you recognize their effort, they’ll be more likely to challenge themselves in the future.
3. Ask your child to go over the test with you.
Sit down with your child, and ask them to talk you through the test. Not only will it help you identify your child’s learning gaps, but it reinforces some of the concepts your child missed or didn’t quite grasp. If you’re looking at a math test, do some extra practice problems together. Discuss with your child how they can study more effectively next time.
4. Offer study support.
It could be that your child needs an extra boost in an area of learning, or a different approach to studying. Once you identify what type of learner you child is, you can completely change the way your child studies. Offer your time and support. Sit down with your child and study with them. They’ll carry theses study habits with them to university!
5. If bad grades become a pattern, reach out to your child’s teacher or guidance counselor.
Sometimes bad grades become a pattern. Perhaps your child struggles in a particular subject, tries everything, and shuts down. In this case, it is helpful to contact your child’s teacher or guidance counselor. They may be able to offer resources you haven’t thought of on your own. Encourage your middle and high schoolers to attend any extra study sessions in school.
6. Be a positive role model.
This one speaks for itself! When your child feels distraught, anxious, or stressed about their academic performance, talk about a time when you missed the mark but rebounded.
Encourage your child to use positive affirmations like:
- I will never give up.
- Today I choose to be positive.
- My confidence grows when I step outside my comfort zone.
- I will embrace challenges.
- Every day is a fresh start.
Resources to Encourage a Growth Mindset for Kids
If your child struggles with self-confidence consider one of the following workbooks or activity books:
Growth Mindset Activities for Kids. This is a fun and engaging activity book that can help your child train their growing brain and develop problem-solving skills through practice and repetition. They’ll discover how to nurture an awesome “can-do” attitude and celebrate mistakes as a path to success.
Growth Mindset Workbook for Kids. A growth mindset can help you develop your abilities to tackle just about anything. Growth Mindset Workbook for Kids is a fun and engaging activity book, for ages 8 to 12, that can help you train your brain and develop creative problem-solving skills through practice and perseverance. You’ll learn how to foster a “can-do” attitude and celebrate your mistakes as a path to ultimate success.
The Girls’ Guide To Growth Mindset. Get ready to unleash your learning power and potential! The Girls’ Guide to Growth Mindset is an interactive book for girls―with keys to unlock new adventures, skills, and a world of exploration. In these pages, you’ll nurture a can-do attitude and celebrate mistakes as a formula for growing bigger brains. With guided exercises to think about, see, and do, The Girls’ Guide to Growth Mindset is a special place for you to get to know the wonderful you.
Learn Grow Succeed! A Kids Growth Mindset Journal. This inspirational journal helps kids learn how to reach their full potential through thought-provoking prompts that help them develop a growth mindset. Over the course of writing in this diary, kids will discover how to stop thinking “I can’t do it” and start thinking “I can learn how!”
How should you react to a bad grade or report card? And how do you teach your child how to deal with a bad grade?
- Don’t blame or get angry with your child.
- Praise hard work and point out what went well.
- Ask your child to go over their test with you.
- Offer study support.
- If you see a pattern, reach out to a teacher or guidance counselor.
- Be a positive role model.
- Foster a growth mindset.
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